we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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