well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
