In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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