It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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