respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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