Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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