Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
