i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
