You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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