Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
