If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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