Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
