he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
