Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize