i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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