We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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