You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
