So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
