I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
