Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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