I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
