I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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