i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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