Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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