Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
