I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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