My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
