i love accidental penises.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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