2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
