I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
how drunk are you?
Several
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
