i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
