I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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