just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
