question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
