I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
