So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
