is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
