I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
tell me about the eggs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
