After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
