Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I met the friendliest cop last night
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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