Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
