Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
