I faked an abortion last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
