I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
