it was like eating out sand paper
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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