he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
