I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
