So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
