you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
