Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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