it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
