I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
