Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
