I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize