New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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