sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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