Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
jump out the window naked night went bad
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