cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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