I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
