By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
