Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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