Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
