ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
