did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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