So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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