My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
