sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
as a side note pls kill me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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