The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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