i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
