oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
