The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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