let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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