my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
