Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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